25 Ways to A Husband Can Support His Wife in Labor

I was in the midst of hard work. Sweat was bubbling up out of my skin. The cold dark winter night was a stark contrast compared to what felt like a sauna in our 3-bedroom apartment. I was so hot; I did everything I told my modest heart I wouldn’t.

I waded into a pool of warm water that was cocooned amid living room furniture. For hours I had been in that pool, hoping that if I got in the pool then my baby would emerge faster from my womb. With each contraction, my body tensed as fear entered my heart. I would stiffen like a board hoping and searching for relief to the back pain.

The midwives leaned over the stove as they continued to boil water throughout the night. They were too busy to comfort me as I thought they would have time. My expectations as a first-time mom were out of proportion.

My husband, Michael, paced back and forth with a father full of excitement and with weary eyes that hadn’t seen sleep for over 48 hours. As a caring husband, he hurt to see me in pain and would try to boost my mood with a joke to which I would just roll my eyes.

Doesn’t he understand? I thought.

To get some strength, the midwives suggested I try to get some rest lying in bed. I didn’t want to leave my nest of warm waters, but I took their advice. Michael lay beside me in our bedroom, swaddled in darkness. The bed was an inviting place for rest, but with every contraction, the bed became the opposite.

I tried to awaken Michael from his sleep so he could squeeze my hips or rub my back as the contractions felt like they were pulling a tense rubber band inside my lower back to my thighs.

But after a few attempts to help, sleep soon overtook Michael. His body played catchup on the lack of sleep.

I felt alone. I felt deserted. I thought it was just me and the Lord to face the contractions.  As the contractions continued to hammer my body, my faith felt shaken to the core.

Hours soon passed as the morning sunlight showed through the windows. I squeezed Michael’s hands, not letting go as I pushed our daughter out to see the new day. Although Michael originally planned to catch our baby girl, I didn’t let go of his hands. Within seconds, we were new, first-time parents.

During the late-night feedings, I would reflect on how I finally did what I said I wouldn’t do. I gave birth to a baby. To avoid my biggest fear, I told myself I would avoid having kids and instead just adopt. But now, as I held my baby girl, I knew I could birth life into the world with the Lord. Birth was no longer a fear.

Actually, I became excited about the possibility of birth again. I had the expectation birth would go better next time even if I had to face back pain again – birth would still go better because this time I wouldn’t be afraid and I would do labor together with Michael and the Lord.

20 Months Later

Fast forward 20 months, I was preparing for the birth of our son. Instead of dreading the due date out of fear, I looked forward to it. This time we had a doula too who helped Michael and I have our game plan for the time when labor started.

In the wave of contractions at the birth center, this time I didn’t feel alone. I felt supported and seen. I felt full of joy rather than fear. Michael and I were one. We swayed as one. We walked as one. Michael at the direction of the doula’s guidance, squeezed in the right places and comforted my heart in the right places. There were no eye rolls of annoyance at this birth.

I felt over the moon with joy. I was completely engulfed in the Father’s love and the love and support of others around me as they cheered us on to the finish line. 

As I held my baby’s boys sweet, newborn hands, I voiced aloud ‘Let’s do this again!’ The birth was so amazing.

Looking back, I think some of the keys that made that birth so wonderful were having no fear and support.

I believe support plays a big role in preventing fear. One of Satan’s biggest traps is convincing someone that they are alone in the storm. When one feels alone, usually fear shows up with it.

My heart is that all mothers can be able to look back on their birth and feel so loved and supported by their husbands.

God created marriage between, male and female, for it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18). Just like through intimacy between a couple, a baby is formed. I don’t think that intimacy and support should stop at the marriage bed but continue to the birthing room and beyond to raise the child.  

I pray these support tips will assist one another to be on the same page when labor starts and that both husband and mama will be in sync. No husband in the picture? That’s okay. Your bestie, mother, grandmother, doula, or anyone you feel will support you during labor can use these tips.

25 Ways A Husband Can Support His Wife in Labor:

To equip you for your child’s birth, here are 25 ways to comfort someone in labor:

1. Walk. Suggest walking to mama to help the baby move in the right position. During contractions, pause and physically support her if needed.
2. Toilet Sit. Suggest mama to sit on the toilet. Toilets can be quite comfortable for laboring. As the birth support, place a birth ball or chair in front of her so you can sit on so that you can support her and she can lean on you if she chooses.
3. Squat. Squatting is a great position for mama to encourage the baby to descend into the birth canal. Tip: sit on a chair, suggesting mama squat between your legs so she can place her arms on your thighs to hold her.
4. Slow Dance.  Upright position with movement, such as slow dancing, enables the baby to navigate the pelvis more easily. Suggest for mama to hang her arms around your neck as you sway together. During contractions, allow her to hold on to you and lean on you for support. This is a perfect time to whisper encouragement to her.
5. Side Lying. When mama needs to rest, needs to push, or has received an epidural, suggest mama lie on her side with pillows between her arms, ankles, and bent knees. Suggest for mama to switch sides often to encourage baby to move through the pelvis.
6. Birth Ball. An exercise ball can go a long way at both giving mama rest and being able to still move her pelvis easily. Suggest for her to sit on a birth ball with good posture by swaying, doing figure-eight circles with her hips, or doing small or large circles. Bonus tip: suggest that she can sit on the birth ball and lean forward on the bed to rest her head and arms. In addition, suggests that she can lean over the birth ball with her knees on the ground. This later position helps relieve the lower back.
7. Reassure Her. Labor can feel exhausting and as mama’s labor support partner, you can help keep her spirits high. Encourage her with positive feedback like: “Just like that- good job. You’re doing great.’
8. Washcloth.  A laboring mama often can feel hot. When she gets warm, place a cool, damp washcloth on her forehead or behind her neck.
9. Shower. Suggest a warm shower for comfort. If she is feeling weak, get in the shower with her to support her or offer a birth ball or stool in the shower.
10. Lip Balm. The breathing of labor can cause a woman’s lips to chap. Offer mama her favorite lip balm and apply it when you observe her lips are dry.
11. Fan.  Labor can cause the mother to get hot and sweat. Offer a handheld fan or paper fan to create a comfortable breeze.
12. Remind Her to Breathe. Breathing helps get oxygen to all of mama’s muscles and baby. To release tension, remind mama to breathe in deeply through her nose and slowly breathe out of her mouth during the contraction.
13. Bath. Water is a great comfort during labor. Suggest to mama a warm bath and help her get into or out of the tub.
14. Hydration. Labor is hard work so keeping mama hydrated is important. Offer her a sip from a cup with a bendy straw between every other contraction. Note: If she isn’t allowed to drink any fluids, give her ice chips instead.
15. Aromatherapy. Smells of essential oils such as lavender and geranium can be calming.  Place a drop or two of oil on a washcloth and place it near her face or add several drops to her bath.
16. Lighting.  Lighting can create a calming, relaxed environment for mothers to labor in. Dim the lights, draw the blinds, and use electric candles to set the atmosphere. If during examination a light is needed, be sure to soften the lights after mama’s examination has ended.
17. Fresh Breath. Offer mama’s favorite mints or toothbrush and toothpaste to freshen up from all that heavy labor breathing.
18. Offer Soft Touch. A soft touch alone of another can be grounding for a laboring mother, going a long way.
19. Double Hip Squeeze. As the baby moves down through the pelvis, it is not abnormal to feel pressure in the hips. Offer a double hip squeeze to mama by placing your palms on her hips with palms facing one another on each side of her hips. Lean forward so that your chest is above mama’s tailbone to give you strength to squeeze. Press your palms together until she feels relief. Hold a steady squeeze during contractions and release after.
20. Back & Belly Hold. This technique offers relief to mama’s sore back and belly. During contractions stand behind mama and hold her tailbone in one hand. With the other hand hold her lower belly.
21. Pray. Mama can appear as if she is in another zone as she labors hardly speaking. However, prayers spoken on her behalf or over her can have a tremendous impact. Pray over her, the baby, birth support, and the atmosphere.
22. Read Scripture. Reading scripture to mama can remind her of God’s promises and encourage her to keep going. Ask for a list of birth scriptures before labor starts or read Psalm 23 or Psalm 91 to encourage her.
23. Play Soft Worship Music. Sometimes music can be soothing for a mother in labor. Offer to play a soothing worship playlist whether her own or one you find so mama can worship while she labors.
24. Be A Guard Against Fear. Fear can derail the progress of labor. Help be a guard of the atmosphere inviting anyone surrounding the mama in labor to speak words of life.
25. Listen to the Holy Spirit. Birth can throw curve balls. What some would call intuition, the Holy Spirit can give unction to do something to benefit mama and baby. Be attentive to the Holy Spirit and follow His lead.

Again, I pray these 25 tips will equip you and your partner for birth as one flesh. Birth can be a rollercoaster, but I hope that you both can look back on the birth of your child and say, “Let’s do this again!”

Cheering you on!

Kaitie

P.S. Did you find these tips helpful or have know of some other tips I didn’t mentions? Comment below to share!